My experience using Craigslist for dating during a 6 month span if being woefully single:
More spam than in the dented can aisle at the supermarket and more flakes than on the studio floor of a Head & Shoulders commercial.
Here are some spam responses, exactly as they were – not altered in any way – with some commentary in [brackets], and far-far-far from all of the spam:
• I dream to get acquainted with good, serious person and make best relationships. Repite, I am searching for serious relations only!
• I reached up and ran my fingers through my lover’s sweaty
• i have a husband so i am not heading to be doing with out a single way or the other .
• how about meeting up at Karol’s eating house in the city centre? what is the coloring of your hair style? [Karol’s eating house is one of my fave eating houses and city centre is the best part of Austin, in my opinion]
• gloat arles yore wham drafted purveyed modelist.antlike diptychs sceptral mogul premoral vanillas natter honing bastiles dormancy rouleau fugging
• Downtown Austin My Dear, I am Waiting for you ! moof ftmo mtnrfxa fmbm kobnfod
• or soon to be) Do you live in or soon to be
• terefah but mis lacerate ivies truer betaine.barters moulter rune swatted lase choregi untwine yowler triumph linsangs jowl isagogic
• #Fun# #girl# #from# #City#
• providing you are not a scammer, ducky, would you please mssge
• i am clean and std free of charge. i like tatoos and am really fond of older males 60 ! you provide a location to play, such as hire a space
• I’m afraid you sir a defrauding spamster.
• im looking for a guy who can fulfill my sexual needs. i love giving h*ad. I also love going bowling with my friends. [WHO THE FUCK would choose bowling?]
–> Now, of some of the real people who I actually met (or planned to meet anyhow), here are some of the results:
L – thanks for going out to lunch and ordering water and no food. Admittedly the tap water at Pacific Star is delicious.
C – thanks for standing me up at the date you set up at the Melting Pot (at least the bartender took pity on me and bought me a cocktail) then 2 days later sending a text explaining you didn’t feel like eating cheese that night.
T – thanks for planning the whole shebang (dinner, walk by the lake, then your friend’s band at a downtown club) then leaving Z-Tejas after 50 minutes claiming you had to work in the morning (it was a Friday evening and you work in an office).
A – thanks for saying you have to get on the road for your long drive home (you did come from past New Braunfels) then running into you at a random bar on 6th two hours later.
H – Thanks for getting so pissed off when I asked you why you moved from your country to the U.S. I admit that was rude. But you had really bad breath – also rude. Would you have been more calm if I asked you if you had eaten a garlic and shit omelet for breakfast that morning?
T2 – thanks for sending your cousin’s photo. Was there any scenario you envisioned where that move didn’t hugely backfire? When I met you my first thought was “great, I spent the last 10 days masturbating for this?”
J – It wasn’t a dinner date, but you insisted. I said I wasn’t hungry, but you ordered the appetizer plate for two. Then an entree. Then a dessert. This was surreal. Then again, you did weight 265 lbs – which is odd for a self-described “7 day a week tennis junkie.”
A2 – thanks for texting about looking for a parking spot then pulling a straight-up-and-down no-show. Maybe parking is just a super hassle at a private club in a small town on a Tuesday night.
C2 – thanks for, on our second date, suggesting meeting up the next weekend at ACL then selling me that ACL ticket during that date. Too bad the ticket was bogus – I didn’t love the lineup that much anyway. The ticket was below face value, so thanks for the good deal, kind of. Clever setup actually, in a fully illegal sort of way.
C3 – thanks for being mind-numbingly beautiful (for real), then sending me that email thanking me profusely for our awesome date and expressing what a “breath of fresh air it was” then not responding to one email and one text over the next 4 days. Yes, you did finally respond – that you had moved to Italy.
K – thanks for agreeing to dinner (after two lunch dates) and canceling for a funeral, then inviting me over for dinner to make up for it, then canceling again in lieu of another funeral (I’m truly sorry if anyone actually died), then stopping contact. It’s probably good that you did, cause if you were telling the truth, the next guy would probably get canceled on for MY funeral – it seems like people are dropping dead all around you.
Guess it’s back to the lurking around the produce section of the supermarket for dates. Maybe I’ll join e-harmony. Except all the couples they advertise as real-life success stories are ugly. If any attractive, single women are reading this and want to meet, know this: Repite, I am searching for serious relations only!
