{"id":538,"date":"2011-12-30T09:51:33","date_gmt":"2011-12-30T15:51:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dev.bastardsquirrel.com\/?p=538"},"modified":"2012-03-17T15:37:29","modified_gmt":"2012-03-17T20:37:29","slug":"538","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/2011\/12\/538\/","title":{"rendered":"Hercracknophobia"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">LEO: So my girlfriend, let&#8217;s call her Candice, finally moved in with me. She had lost her job and I thought it would be a good way of giving her a safety net. From day ONE she was weird and distant and the sex was essentially gone. She claims she&#8217;s feeling unsexy, having repressed memories, she thought she saw a spider (she&#8217;s terrified of spiders), blah blah blah. The other night she said I could dry hump her. Boo. \u00a0Should I be supportive or show her the door?<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">~ My penis has become strictly a urinary device<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Dear Penis: Your girlfriend, let&#8217;s call her Cuntice, is afraid of spiders and your genitals. Listen to me carefully when I tell you this: SHE IS BANGING SOMEONE ELSE. Get a pet tarantula TODAY.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>LEO: So my girlfriend, let&#8217;s call her Candice, finally moved in with me. She had lost her job and I thought it would be a good way of giving her a safety net. From day ONE she was weird and distant and the sex was essentially gone. She claims she&#8217;s feeling unsexy, having repressed memories, she thought she saw a spider (she&#8217;s terrified of spiders), blah blah blah. The other night she said I could dry hump her. Boo. \u00a0Should I be supportive or show her the door? ~ My penis has become strictly a urinary device Dear Penis: Your girlfriend, let&#8217;s call her Cuntice, is afraid of spiders and your genitals. Listen to me carefully when I tell you this: SHE IS BANGING SOMEONE ELSE. Get a pet tarantula TODAY.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-538","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wwld"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/538","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=538"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/538\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1095,"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/538\/revisions\/1095"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=538"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=538"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bastardsquirrel.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=538"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}