Song lyrics are odd. Not that they’re odd like “Bend up and smell my anal vapor your face is my toilet paper” from the song Golden Showers by The Mentors.. They’re odd because they are often hard to parse and this difficulty results in making up lyrics that are infinitely less sensical than the intent of the original. Even if the actual lyrics become known – using the interweb thing, or because friends make fun when they hear you singing your moronic song customizations, we often just stick with the make believe words anyway.

So, with a clunky segue, here is my list of people and their stupid and wrong made up lyrics:

Jeff J. would eat this for $5

Jeff J (local broke idiot who accepts money at his regular bar for ingesting hideous food concoctions – such as a Tuna and orange sherbet shake): The song Oh, Sherrie by Steve Perry starts off with “You shoulda been gone.”  Not “Cinnamon dough.” If it were Cinnamon dough, it would need to be mixed with egg salad and beets in order for it to be truly meaningful to you.

 Sharon F (chick from college who would laugh uncontrollably at the word “pee” and who looked like Fred Flintstone when Fred Flintstone dressed as a woman). The chorus in Good Lovin‘ by the Rascals is not “True love.”It’s in the name of the damn song. Pee.

Sharon is the one on the right

Rich N (my brother and my equal in terms of face-farting while the other party was asleep), you get a special mention for the AC/DC classic being reworked from “Dirty deeds and they’re done dirt cheap” to “Dirty Deeds and the thunder chief.” The US Air Force did have a plane called the F-105 – nicknamed the Thunder Chief… and dropping sixteen 750 lb. bombs at one time to blast our enemies back to the stone age – sure is a dirty deed. Okay, that’s it.

Although I think it appropriate to close with a true story about one of the most misquoted lines in all of Rock music – In the Air Tonight. Is Phil Collins saying “Hold on,” “Oh Lord,” or some combo of these? Well, I met Phil once at a bar in London’s Gatwick Airport. I said “Mr. Collins, would you be willing to go back in time and unwrite Sussudio?” Then he punched me.